


How Can I

by inaudible_d



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Broken Promises, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 06:44:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6505036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inaudible_d/pseuds/inaudible_d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years after their separation, Jun still longed for Sho. Sometimes he remembered Sho at night when he's alone in his room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Can I

**Author's Note:**

> Saw dj posted about [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZEH1TtlyN8) on Twitter, and my brain felt itchy. I finally managed to finish a fic, after having tons of unfinished drafts. Sorry if this is a bit hazy and quite incoherent. Oh also, the middle part of this fic (separated by --- at the beginning and the end), are flashback.

Jun sighed as he put his phone down and covered his eyes with his arm. He just did it again, the thing he had continuously reminded himself to stop doing, reading his old conversation with Sho.

He took a deep breath as his mind started to replay the time when the conversation actually happened. Oh how he wish for the time to turn back and fate to be on his side instead of against him.

\---

“I‘ll never leave you,” Jun smiled when he heard Sho whispered that. They’re on their bed, inside their shared bedroom, in their shared apartment. They finally got to rest after having the day cleaning the new place and unpacking things. After two years of being together, they decided to actually live together. The moving was for the sake of them being just the two of them in private all the time on their spare time, but who would have thought that the process would involve so many people they didn’t want to involve initially.

It took them just a month to find a perfect place to live together. They can’t live neither at Jun nor Sho’s place because it would be too small for two people, so they had to look for a new place. Thanks to help of Sho’s friends, they managed to find a decent place with a decent price which wasn’t far from Jun and Sho’s respective workplaces.

The real problem came when they informed their family that they’re living together. Jun’s parents didn’t take it so hard on him, they have been supportive throughout Jun’s relationship with Sho, but Sho’s parents were probably the exact opposite. Sho’s parents strongly disagreed that Sho had a relationship with a man, and despite Jun was a very close friend of Sho that the Sakurai family knew very well, they still disapproved of their relationship. Sho’s parents stopped expressing their dislike after the first six months of Sho’s relationship with Jun, but when Sho brought up the topic of living together, his parents went nuts.

Jun didn’t quite understand the detail, all he knew was Sho’s parents finally let Sho live together with him. But apparently, their silence didn’t equal with agreement, that when Jun and Sho started to make appointments with the owner of the apartment, a lot of problems occurred. From the lack of legal document concerning the place, and some weird happenings on the owner’s family, making the process took a lot more time than it should, to the amount of disturbance they got when they moved their things to the place.

Thank goodness it’s all over now, Jun mused, cringing a bit because he remembered that he lost his China collection. It was because of some muggers that stopped their truck when they're moving. Sho saw Jun’s cringe and thought that it must have been about the losing things, and so he leaned forward to capture Jun’s lips on his, trying to make Jun forget the bad things that has happened.

-

Jun sipped his hot cappuccino carefully. He was waiting for Sho because he said he wanted to have coffee at their favorite café. Jun looked out the window, watching as the snow falls slowly, wishing that Sho would come faster because it must be freezing out there. Before, Jun had to wear his trench coat to go to the café that wasn’t even five hundred meters away from home despite his dislike of trench coats.

“Ah, good afternoon, Aiba san,” Jun heard Sho greeted the café’s owner when he took another sip of his coffee.

Sho saw him and took the seat across of him while mumbling his apology for being late and his complain of how cold was it outside. Jun just smiled at that knowingly. Sho ordered his cup of hot latte and while waiting for it they had a small conversation on how their day went.

They almost finished their beverages when Sho finally said something that’s more concerning to Jun than Sho’s coworker company-paid trip to Hokkaido that should have been Sho’s.

“Jun, ah, Jun, I, um,” Sho stuttered a bit, which was quite odd for a man whose natural ability to talk could cut for a newscaster, if he had wanted to. Sho cleared his throat a bit, then, “My parents set up an arranged marriage for me. I don’t want to make them angry, so I said yes to meet this woman, the meeting’s going to be on next weekend. On Saturday evening.”

Jun clenched his fist on the table, trying to hold back the unnecessary jealousy that was suddenly bubbling up. But then, Sho’s hand squeezed his. “I have no intention of marrying that woman whatsoever, though. I love you, Jun, and I will never leave you.”

-

People said that ’a smooth sea never made a skillful sailor’, so when Jun realized that he fought with Sho way too often lately, he thought that it was just one of those things. That they needed it to make their relationship stronger, so they can understand each other better. And he sucked it all off, he apologized when it was his fault, and Sho did the same.

That one time, though, Jun finally figured out that Sho was lying to him, multiple times. Sho went home late almost every day that month, saying that he was at work, doing overtime that was forced to him and that he wasn’t able to refuse. The truth was out when Jun tried to surprise Sho by showing up at his workplace so they can have quick dinner before Sho continued working for the night. 

Instead of meeting Sho, Jun was met by Sho’s eager, younger coworker, his name was Ikuta- something. He said that Sho had, in fact, gone home right when the clock struck five every day for the last month. Ikuta wondered about it too, because Sho was, usually, a person whose hard work made even their bosses ashamed of themselves, according to Ikuta. Ikuta said that Sho often went with a woman who came to the office and waited until it’s time for him to go.

Hearing that, Jun didn’t wait for Sho like he did the other days. He packed his belongings with him and crashed at Nino’s place. Nino was a coworker and an old friend of him. Jun was so glad that he had Nino as his best friend, especially at times like this.

That night, snuggled on Nino’s sofa that was much less comfortable than his own bed, Jun read an old mail from Sho.

「I will never leave you, Jun.」 was all that was written on it.

Jun was surprised that he didn’t even feel the slightest bit sad.

-

「I’m getting married tomorrow. I just think you ought to know.」

Jun reread the mail that came to him the previous night for the nth time. It was Sho, and along with that short message, he had attached an invitation. A simple digital card with sky blue color and Sho’s name along with the woman’s. Actually, Jun had never known the woman’s name up until then. Sho hadn’t said anything after their first arranged marriage meeting, said that she was a nice woman but Sho wasn’t at all interested.

Jun snorted at that memory. What a jerk.

He archived the message and put his phone down. He decided to leave the house today to get some fresh air. After all, his new apartment looked like it could use some furniture.

\---

Jun moaned as he felt the warm body above him. Finally, he thought. After all the hardships he had gone through, after all the problems he had to solve alone, after all the years of not letting himself dating, he finally got this chance again. To be embraced, and to feel the love of being embraced, by someone he held dear in his heart. He sighed as he felt the person moved inside of him, filling him with the love he had craved for quite a while. He took it all in when the person left a trail of lazy kisses along his jawline, down to his neck. Until he couldn’t take it anymore and pulled the person’s face for a kiss.

When Jun pulled away, he saw Sho’s face.

Jun jerked himself up in surprise, and woke up from his dream. He was still alone at his room, with no Sho, nor any other person, above, beside, or anywhere else on the bed. He heaved a long sigh and stared at the ceiling.

“How can I ever get over you Sho? Will I ever, though?”


End file.
